Three Commonly Misused Words and Why I’ve Become So Anti-Religion

Recently, the topic of gay marriage has again come to the forefront of conversation. Two reasons I can point to are: 1. The Republican nomination in the US, and 2. The overturning of Proposition 8 in California. As a result, I am hearing a lot of rhetoric from people who oppose gay marriage… rhetoric I wish to address.

First, there are two terms I keep hearing repeatedly that seem to be used as synonyms of the words “good”, “moral”, or “right”. These two terms are Christian and traditional. I wish to say that you don’t get to be a good person simply because of your belief in a god. Being a good person is a status you have to earn… and you earn it by doing good things. Similarly, being a Christian doesn’t make you moral and morality isn’t exclusive to being Christian. For example, I would say that the Dalai Lama (Buddhist) is quite a moral person whereas Fred Phelps (Christian) is not. Yet, in so many of the arguments against gay marriage, I keep hearing how it’s wrong because it is contrary to Christian values as if Christian values are the end all, be all of everything that is right. It’s not and I wish people would stop talking as if it is. Again, you are a good person because you do good things and that has nothing to do with whatever god you choose to believe (or not believe).

Another word I hear in place of the words “good”, “moral, or “right” is traditional. Recently, a group called A Million Moms got their panties in a bunch because JC Pennys chose Ellen Degeneres as one of their spokespeople. The reason they appeared to being going through a difficult PMS cycle (they must all have their cycles in sync) is because Ellen is gay and they didn’t think having a gay spokesperson is representative of wholesome, “traditional”, and American values. I have this image of a million, non-voting, stay-at-home moms/homemakers, who live only bear children and to stand by their men, rallying while holding pitchforks, afraid that “the gays” will corrupt their youth. Really? Do you seriously want to return to traditional values because those traditional were oh so right?

This brings me to the third commonly misused word. Godless means you don’t believe in a god. That’s it. However, the religious use the word to demean atheists as people who lack morals. So why does religion have such a big say in how “godless” people live their lives anyway? Beats me! I mean, I get that if you’re religious, why it would be troubling if you discovered you had gay urges. But why do you feel the need to impose your religious beliefs onto those who don’t share your beliefs. I’ve heard people argue that if you support the LGBT community’s right to live their lives however they see fit, you should also accept that there are others who don’t feel the same way. While I would agree with this sentiment, the part that I find troubling is this. We are not talking about a simple difference of opinion. It’s not that one group likes chocolate and a second group likes vanilla. It’s that one group likes chocolate and the second group thinks the first group is fuckin’ disgusting for liking chocolate and should die and burn in hell for it. If religious groups would allow others to live and let live, then I don’t think they would offend so many non-believers. The problem is, people of faith (like Rick Santorum) talk as if they are the moral centres of the human race. They are not. A few days ago, Rick talked about “the truth” and “God tells us”…etc. etc. My first thought was, don’t talk as if your God’s existence is fact. Because your God is just a belief, what he “says” has zero legitimacy and your quotes have no credibility. He might as well have been talking about Santa Claus. For those who have difficulty grasping why it’s not okay for people of religion to push their beliefs on people who don’t believe what they do, would you support the actions of extremist, orthodox jews in Israel who spat and hurled insults at an 8 year old girl who they felt dressed immodestly? Sorry, you simply do not get to act like an utter asshole because someone else does something that offends your personal sensibilities.

So why have I become so opposed to religion? If it’s not yet clear, let me put it this way. I am not religious but don’t consider myself an atheist either. Why? Because I don’t know whether or not there’s a god. I’m just not willing to believe simply because of an age old book, written in a dead language, translated and interpreted over and over again by man, that cannot be supported by any real proof or evidence. Yet, people who believe in the various iterations of this book all believe their version is the truth and tend to look down on anyone else who disagrees. The same people pick and choose which elements of their book they are willing to believe and behave in ways that are so contrary to the instructions of their book. Yet when questioned, they get offended and talk about “faith”, which really is just a term that means “I don’t need any proof, no matter how wacky my beliefs are”. Governments and society have bent over backwards for religious groups for so long, I think it’s time we hold them accountable to their religions. We also need to stop treating people of faith as if they are better than those who don’t believe in a god. I mean, why should there be any difference? Religious organizations should be forced to abide by the laws governing the society as a whole, with zero special treatment. Religious freedom should never supersede a society’s rules and religion should never be used as a defence for one person’s hatred for another.

Recently, I’ve been hearing Christians talk about how they are under attack. Last year in Kelowna, BC, an atheist group paid to have ads put on the sides of buses with the message, “There’s probably no God. Now stop worrying and enjoy your life.” Christian groups were incensed, found the message offensive, and managed to get the ads removed. How is it okay to bombard us with Christian messaging (God bless, Christ is our Saviour, Jesus is the truth, etc.) but not okay to question it? I mean, what about the right of non-Christians to live our lives how we want and to believe what we believe? Would you consider going up to someone you barely know (or don’t know at all) to share your opinions of how they live their lives? Most people wouldn’t. So why do so many Christians feel they have the right to tell everyone else how to live their lives… and why have we put up with it for so long? How I live my life might be contrary to the beliefs of your religion but your opinion does not matter to me. I didn’t ask you for your opinion, I don’t care about your opinion, and I’m sure not going to change my life because of what you believe. Your religion might teach you that I’m a sinner but I don’t buy into the teachings of your religion so, in my mind, your beliefs have zero relevance in my life. By pushing your beliefs on others, you are asking to be challenged. Don’t declare that your religion is under attack when people are simply exercising their right to not subscribe to your beliefs.

Are there good Christians out there? Of course there are! My aunt is a good example of one. What makes her a good person is not the fact that she’s a Christian. It’s because she is a loving, accepting, supportive individual who does not judge others simply because they disagree with her. She truly behaves in the ways you would expect a good person to behave. She doesn’t impose her beliefs on others and she doesn’t use guilt as a means to control others.

If only all people of religion lived this way…

 

February 8 – Let’s Talk about Depression

So today is February 8, the day to talk about depression. So let’s talk.

Depression has been in the news quite a bit lately, especially with the suicide of former Vancouver Canuck Rick Rypien and with the suicides of several teens due to bullying. Depression is sinister as it creeps into your life ever so slowly. I too know about depression. For about 10 years including part of high school, all of my university days, and the early part of my professional career, I suffered through it.

Without going into too many details, it slowly crept into my life starting in childhood. I was a capable, creative and intelligent child but I had very low self esteem. As I grew up and was faced with the reality of my sexual orientation – something I worked hard to deny – the feelings of loneliness and lack of sense of belonging left me more and more isolated. My sister once told me she thought I behaved somewhat obsessively. When I think about the things I obsessed about, they were all things I clung to because, for one reason or another, they made me feel better about myself. As much as they helped me through, they also obscured the fact that my depression was growing deeper. This is not to say there weren’t good times because there were. However, between my unwillingness to face my attraction to other guys, the need to pretend to be someone I wasn’t, and not having anyone I could confide in, it took a toll on my mental well being. When, during the last 6 months of university, I finally allowed myself to explore the idea that I could be gay, the guilt I felt was incredible and I hated who I was.

Fast forward to the 5th year of my teaching career. I was finally in a place where I accepted that I was gay and could say the words out loud to myself. Oddly, things weren’t much better and the negativity in my head continued to dominate. I was finally exploring feelings I should have had in high school, but didn’t know how to manage them. I “fell in love” with a guy who kept declaring he was straight but for one reason or another, wouldn’t let me exit his life. No matter. I didn’t want to. It was a roller coaster ride that I couldn’t stop. At times, I was flying high and so in love. Other times, when faced with the fact those feelings were not being returned, I found myself crying myself to sleep for nights on end. Thoughts of how much easier things would be if my life ended kept creeping into my head and yet I kept beating myself up for not having the “courage” to make it happen. One of my lowest points was while I was teaching. After I got my class working quietly, I stepped out of the room, found a dark storage room in the back and wept. It was at this point I knew I had to get help.

At the doctor’s office, I found the courage to tell my doctor about my depression. To my surprise, he showed me his notes from ten years prior. It seems I had this conversation with him before – and I had no recollection of it! I had been in a state of clinical depression for 10 years, living in a haze for an entire decade. The difficult thing about depression is there are highs and there are lows with very little in between. During the highs, you’re happy, everyone loves you, you’re convinced everything is fine and no one is the wiser. When you’re down, you hide from the world, don’t want to burden people with your problems, and again no one is the wiser. It was literally like being on drugs, drugs produced by my own brain, repeatedly flying high and crashing down… and nobody knew. The chemical imbalance made it difficult for me to function normally and as a result, I had no control over my life but was instead just going through the motions. I was fortunate that, as low as I felt, a part of me wasn’t willing to give up and I got the help I needed.

Apparently, there’s this stigma associated with depression and I’m not sure why. Having gone through it, I feel it’s made me stronger. For the most part, I feel confident and self assured. I am not afraid to talk about my depression because, as difficult as those 10 years were, I don’t blame myself. It wasn’t due to some weakness on my part. It wasn’t something I deserved. I still experience rough periods but they are nowhere near as extreme as they were. It’s a battle every time I feel down because I worry that if I let myself get back into that state of mind, I will end up back where I was. Some people find I express myself, in particular my frustrations, perhaps a bit too much. For me, I find it therapeutic because it allows me to confront the source of my frustrations rather than pretend they don’t exist. It also helps ground me knowing I’m no longer keeping these feelings bottled up or hidden. At the same time, I have to work on letting go of the things that upset me, which is often easier said than done. It’s a daily struggle and I feel like I’m far from figuring it all out. I just know I want to keep trying.